This kind of talk could lead to him wanting to know where we're going and who we're with at all times, and that's definitely not a good situation for us to be in. If you love your boyfriend figure it out before you get to the point where you dont want to anymore. Either he moves on, or you do. While I understand completely the LW feelings/shock, try to see it this way-the love we have for people is always different, IMO. If instead of considering you to be unique he considers you to be a carbon copy of his ex, steer clear. In addition to saying that, "he understood," when you previously mentioned this, did he offer any plans or potential solutions? He is a shell of himself because he basically doesn't have a life. Dont waste another year on this relationship if he has no plan and no intention of standing up for himself and for you. It has nothing to do with you - this kind of guy isn't interested in anyone - but himself. This one hurts, which is probably why someone would say it. We started dating about a year and a half later, and he showed some skittishness at the beginning of the relationship, he never took his insecurities/baggage out on me. Not even a little bit. I asked him about it finally tonight because it had been bothering me for some time. Listen up to these 20 simple things every girlfriend should beware of hearing. As Dr. Wendy puts it: "His prized personal time should be spent building a secure relationship with you.". Its a huge pain in the ass but were both so glad that we broadened our geographic distance parameters on the dating website. NOLA LADY I had a horrendous realization recently: I look a lot like my boyfriend's ex. He is a veteran and has 2 kids, boy 13, girl 7 i dont have children which forces me to be a stepmother. "They were basically forced to sign a new lease.." HUH?! Tell him it's time to make your satisfaction a priority. The time to worry is when they feel strongly that. The fuckboy boyfriend comes with a lifelong warranty. Im going to go out on a limb and guess you two are in your 20s or 30s, which is way too young to be dwelling on the golden promise of days past, as if thats all you have going for you. WWS. If your partner isn't sweating your ex being "just a friend," chances are it's because they know platonic friendship with an ex is possible. 1. We definitely tend to think, "Oh, he's not serious" or "He doesn't know us well enough and once he gets to know us, he'll fall madly in love with us and everything will be perfect." Well, I have a hard time imaging what else would keep those guys away. February 1st, 2015 at 9:57 PM. When a boyfriend says this you have to wonder why. Busy schedule? You can rely on him. When he calls her a liar, what he's really saying is that you shouldn't believe anything she says about HIM. It should go without saying that secrets shared between partners are sensitive information, and don't deserve to be shared with the world no matter how badly a relationship ends. Being with him will totally be worth the wait and will make all of the struggles worth it. I get that you want to likely be respectful and understanding, but this isn't a 'normal' situation. It could also be a sign that the person just got out of a relationship that they were once extremely committed to, because they haven't yet had the time, money or desire to get the tattoo removed or covered up. Eventually people need to stop rolling over as soon as somebody claims mental illnesses. If our boyfriend would rather be with his friends at all times, then that should tell us something about how much he values us and the relationship. For example the way you love your first love is not the same as the second, third, forth and so on boyfriend. Some are ready after only a few months. ! Don't even think you are not good enough. Except here Ill give it a shot: If youve only seen your boyfriend twice, then hes not your boyfriend. Have confidence . He is just a feeding source for this horrible person. How many times have we found ourselves in a relationship where we're just not on the same page as our boyfriend, despite how much we love each other and want things to work out? But, there are a lot of things that I've let slide at the beginning because I wanted some peace in my life. You call it him being nice but its him being a doormat. No matter who he is with, how much they love him, he will still be your boyfriend even after you broke up. "My boyfriend said someone else's name in his sleep." It's also possible that your boyfriend still cares about his ex, and that's why her name came up in his dream. A guy with these kinds of hang ups is not a good catch. LW1: after a year, he might not feel as intense and deep a love for you that he felt for his ex; and as Wendy says, that doesnt mean its impossible for that love to grow. Get onto a real dating site and start actually dating people, you will soon realize what you have been doing is nothing short of the 21st century equivalent of having a pen-pal. I mean, what can go wrong with that? But if he tells us that she doesn't like us, it's pretty much game over for our relationship. I know everyones different, so the comparison might be unfair, but stilla horrible breakup doesnt have to haunt you forever. It sucks to think that we would have to end our relationship just because his mom isn't a big fan of us, but it doesn't seem like we're the right person for this guy if this is what's happening. At the end of the day, if he was over the relationship and his previous girlfriend, he would feel no need to keep up with what she's doing online or anywhere else. Dear ex, not a day goes by where I don't think about the way in which you hurt and betrayed me. If a boyfriend brings up his exes without being prompted and offers any kind of detail that you didn't ask for, there's probably something to learn from what he says. I get that he is a sweetheart, and that is wonderful but he does need to stand up for himself. Tell him boy bye! LW3 are you frigid? Hes not a mind reader, you need to give him some specific instructions. Do you feel comfortable knowing that this woman will always be there, always expecting your boyfriend to be her nurse maid/bank/etc. And he's not listening to what we want and need if he just shuts a night out down. Show him yourself. He told me that shes already trying to get on disability, and hes hoping that her bf will take over his part of the lease so he can leave sooner. In every relationship, there comes a certain point where you either break up or get engaged. It's not our job to convince someone that we care about them. If he's actually someone worth dating, he probably also dates people worth dating (like you!). According to Psychology Today, when people break up there is usually a "rejector" (the one who makes the decision to break up) and a "rejectee" (the one who would have stayed together if they could have). 3. ok i know we throw out the oh well he probably has a girlfriend and/or a wife, so leave but really how often does that happen? This guy just doesn't. Maybe he quit his job when we live together and need his half of the rent to make ends meet, so he really should have found another position first or at least talked to us first. 20K 1.4K Sounds like this woman walks all over you and BF, Thats my main issue with her, it feels like she walks all over him. Or, is he just going to "wait and see?". Ive thought certain people were the love of my life before and you grow and you change and you accept. I think I often get into trouble for saying certain feelings are a choice, because of course a lot of times we dont CHOOSE how we feel, it just spontaneously happens. I prefer something more artful and subtle, maybe a mixtape of Beatles tunes that allude to her needs in a general way: I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Please Please Me, Why Dont We Do It In the Road?, and finally Come Together. Im sure hell take the hint. But I also believe that there is too much importance put on the love of my life. He shits the stinkiest, wettest poop right on her throw rug. Maybe one year, 2 years. Wife No Longer Attracted to Overweight Husband. Susan says that an ex's name coming up out of the blue like this can be a red flag, especially in heightened emotional moments. Still hung up on someone he used to be with? But also I dont think its a race, or first place or second place. Mama's boys don't make the greatest boyfriends. GatorGirl Anything is possible but this might not be. Except my brain is fried on account of moving, cleaning, not sleeping, and being sick, so I need help. do you masturbate? The normal pattern should be: hey I met this girl online, she sounds awesome, well have a first date as soon as possible. Chances are, though, he's just being lazy and he doesn't want to put the work into the relationship. The simple reason is jealousy. Thats possible. This is something to watch out for. Believe him. Instead of trying to force something that just isn't happening and never will, we should focus our energy on living our best life, being happy, and finding someone who does believe in commitment. Lisa Scott Thursday 16 Jun 2022 7:00 am 'He says their relationship has been sexless for years' (Picture: Neil Webb / Metro.co.uk) It's time for The Sex Column, our weekly advice series where. Simply the Worlds Most Interesting Travel Site. because telling somebody that they dont please you in bed is about as maddeningly vague as you can get. Oh I dont know about this. It sounds like every red flag issue is just blamed on her mental health issues. We need a rule that will help them. Yes, of course, a couple needs to each see their friends. In my mind, the love of my life is the love I want to spend my life with, so I dont really get assigning that moniker to an ex. Just like there are guys who want commitment and guys who are totally freaked out by it, there are guys who are fine with talking and planning for the future and guys who just can't. Im wondering what her boyfriend thinks of her walking around in her underwear. Photo: Pexels/Marcelo Chagas. When men tell their women that their suspicions or fears are all in their heads, it's called Gaslighting. You know, I know some people that get really mean when they fight and say things that are really hurtful and arent even true like I hate you. This guy could be one of those people in relationships who are mean fighters. Why should we have to settle when we really want to get married? Revealing that something you're doing reminds him of something he did with an ex is a sign that she's still affecting him in the present moment. Saying the L-word always seems like such a big deal. 1. It's one thing if someone isn't sure that they want to marry someone when it's only been a few weeks and it's entirely another if it's been five years. Dude, keep this thought to yourself. Maybe he thinks she was crazy just for not wanting to date him forever. Is her name on it? There are only a few reasons why this could happen and none of them are good: 1) he still loves her (MOA); 2) he fights dirty (MOA); or 3) he is totally devoid of manners guile and game and doesnt deserve a shot to be with anyone awesome (MOA). I think it happens a lot, well a guy having multiple girlfriends not really as much as for married guys. Until you meet the friends (or exes) themselves, there's no way to form an opinion either way. They have keys to each other's houses, they have dinners together with their kids, and I feel like she is texting and calling every minute. Yes, we want our boyfriend to like his mom. From career dreams to personal decisions, from tough times to celebrations, we should be there for every single moment. Life is too short and too fun to worry about winning. This guy told you his ex was the love of his life. In fact, one of the reasons I fell in love with him was for how positive and non-resentful he is. Would we rather they dislike them or be friends with them? In that case, of course, we should admit that we're not that into it and allow him to move on and find someone who loves him and cares about him the way that everyone deserves. In reality, though, she's probably not that bad at all and he's the one who is making things tough. And no one wants family drama or arguments at Thanksgiving and Christmas, so yeah, we definitely hope that he's got a good mom. YALLL IT DID ARRIVE HAHAH We deserve a boyfriend who will welcome the future with open arms because he loves us so much and can't imagine his life without us. Otherwise, everything is going to be full of drama and conflict, from regular get-togethers to birthdays to holidays. It's possible that he actually wants to part ways but just hasn't worked up the courage to do so, and so instead of just being real and honest with us, he's going to bring it up another way. It's basically the one who does the dumping and the one who gets dumped. How many times do we watch a romantic comedy where the two main characters are totally out of sync and don't seem to know how to talk to each other? How were they forced?! Thank u, next. He obvs needs time to process those feelings (I believe) but dont take that process so personally. Oooh, I hadnt thought of that. You don't have to put up with his crap, you'll find a real man. By katxo, 10 years ago on Affairs. 6. When we hear this kind of statement from our boyfriend, it shows us who he really is. Suggest she reads Tickle Your Fancy figure it out & let him read it & start working at it together. Just to beat a dead horse: that really jumped out at me, because my boyfriend was left THREE DAYS BEFORE HIS WEDDING by a cheating fiance. One good sign is if he can talk about his ex in a pretty objective way without assigning blame, getting worked up, or sounding regretful. 1 Who ended the relationship? Oh I dont disagree that its a messed up thing to say to your current partner. This is just not the way that healthy and happy relationships go. You catch him stalking his ex on social media. You are not dating or even dating this man. Here's what a reader said about dealing with the jealous feelings she experiences when her boyfriend sees his ex-girlfriend: "My boyfriend assures me he loves me and only wants to be with me," says a reader on How to Stop Obsessing About Your Ex. LW2- Was this in the forums? Susan says to steer clear of a guy who has just left this kind of super-serious relationship: "You dont want to be the rebound chick. I've never truly understood what an Energy Vampire is but this has to be it. Maybe they're FB friends who don't actually talk. When we started this relationship, He was open and honest. If your boyfriend has a lot of his ex's stuff, though, this could be a major red flag. findingtheearth "If her photos or any of her personal belongings are still around, he's hanging onto the relationship through those objects," relationship advice pro Dr. Wendy Walsh explained to Today. He had recently separated from his wife. For every question, Ill give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a persons question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. He talks about her just enough to indicate he . 24K 5.8K Voxxanne 1 day ago The woman who caused the death of my best friend just messaged me. It doenst mean you were wrong, for that point in your life. He does. Thats what I want to talk about with him when Im able. I totally have bartenders that are 900 miles away that I see more often than LW2 sees mystery man. It's different if we're both working and earning money vs. if one of us is still in school or something. We want to know that he feels the same way as us and that he thinks that we'll still be together six months to a year from now. Sure, everyone has a past, and we would want our partners to have loved deeply, because it means they can love us deeply. Loyal? Being in a relationship means hanging out with that person a lot. Have an open conversation about this, but if hes not ready, dont push it. Lazy people? Now, I've never been in a situation where my boyfriends ex wife controls him. While it might be great that your boyfriend was once close to his ex's family, he shouldn't keep those situationships tight after they've broken up. March 14, 2014, 10:10 am. While we love our exes and love is universal, the way we feel that love is not the same. You deserve more and that situation isnt healthy for you." They will definitely tell us what they're feeling and thinking, as long as we're actually listening. Wendy, make her STOOOOPPP!!!! My fianc and I live 35 minutes apart (until May, hooray!) Trauma is weird and manifests in different ways. This should be obvious. MOA. New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. We watch rom-comsand see characters struggling to find the right words and the right time. Should I Tell My Boyfriend About My Debt?. Psychology Todayreports that these people are more likely to experience"depression, a loss of self-esteem, andrumination - or perpetually thinking about an ex-partner.". 7.) Why? Doordash is good, especially in large cities, but its not a reliable primary source of income. We all deserve to be with someone who supports our hopes and dreams and goals, and someone who wants the best for us. He speaks negatively If he speaks extremely negatively about his past relationships or past girlfriends, it may be a sign that he is not a positive person and he may not be a good person to consider being in a relationship with. "I don't know if this is my forever person. We need to take a deep breath and realize that, yup, this is what he means. We could have thought that he was the sweetest, cutest, funniest person up until this point. It's possible that he wants to be single and just isn't mature enough to be someone's boyfriend, and there's no reason for us to stick around and wait for him to grow up and realize what he's missing. Hopefully, our boyfriend's mom loves us and really appreciates the positive impact that we've made on their lives. His mistake is the more obvious one: It is deeply fucked that your boyfriend said his ex is more attractive than you. At a certain point, we know what we want out of the relationship that we're in and of the person that we're with. I think its an empty title because its unattainable in my view. "Beware if she is the first person he calls when something good happens," says Susan, "like a promotion at work, or when he just needs to talk." Sure, walk if you dont like that hes bitter but not because shes not #1. If he can't handle your hustle, that's his problem - not yours. You can tell a lot about how someone handles stress and adversity in situations like this, OP, so have your antennae up. It's not the best idea to stick around and wait for him to change his mind. Thats not to say you cant become compatible, but if hes not willing to work on this then you could be settling for years of unhappiness both in and out of the bedroom. If not, figure it out!) We should love and support our partner and they should do the same for us. My boyfriend says I'm acting just like his ex and then lashes out at me. March 14, 2014, 10:35 am. In any case, Id walk. Try to understand that it is not about you, it is about HIS feelings for his ex that existed prior to you and that are no reflection on you in any way. This is basically the worst, most immature thing that a guy could say to us. I just dont see what could ever excuse not seeing your date for months in a row when you live so close to each other. Someone who will have your back no matter what? WHY? Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. As soon as the results come and show he is the father, I'm leaving him. The cooking, the cleaning, the laundry -- it was a woman's domain. File this one under 'sorry, not sorry.' Do you have any idea how much fun you could be having with an emotionally available guy who actually wants to spend time with you?! I try my best not to think about it and just. Regardless the reason, hes not interested in you that way. If he always makes these kinds of immature, mean comments, we should honestly take a long hard look at our relationship. In fact, it's basically the worst thing that he could say. and see each other almost every day of the week. I put girlfriends in quotations, because I think they are mostly just girls he is banging, and he really doesnt have a real committed girlfriend. If our boyfriend says, "I think I could love you, let's just see where things go" (or some variation of it), then that's a really bad sign. I'm so so sorry you're having to go through that. Press J to jump to the feed. I never saw myself with a man like this. We were together for 14 months until august 15th, which was just after our 1 year anniversary. You ask, "Can I win him back?" The answer is unequivocally. Long-distance? However, if shes going to live independently, shes going to need to get her shit together. How to Make a Guy Realize He's Losing You May 1, 2018By Kate To say relationships are tough to handle at times is an understatement, particularly if you are with someone, who's not quite ready to make changes for you. Doute, for her part, was vocal about her dislike for her ex-boyfriend's new relationship. Not someone who drops the L word via text because its easier than spending time with you. IS a red flag. Agreed. LW1 ehhh, I dont think the phrase love of my life is such a red flag *in itself* BUT the reasons behind why thats his go-to description of what happened in the past? Maybe your boyfriend has dated a lot of blonde girls, for example. Secondly, it tells me that hes stuck in the past. Kristin Cavallari and Stephen Colletti are back to spilling new details from high school as they recap Laguna Beach. Still, I agree with you, 6-7 years of frustration sounds horrible, if thats the real timeline. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. LW3what are you telling your boyfriend when you discuss this? A boyfriend will put his arm around you occasionally. And you may end up going your own ways, at least until he can live a healthier lifestyle. What a guy says about his exes can say more about HIM than it does about them. No, it's not super likely that we can. Hes letting her freeload and Im sorry but come on. 30 Wanda Hutchinson took a few classes in life 3 y Related Her voice just plays over and over in my head and its like I'm finding out all over again. Work it out somehow (WWS). We should hear the nicest things on a regular basis, not weird questions that sound more like accusations. Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. Or it means that we're going absolutely nowhere. That's what Dr. Wendy believes. kerrycontrary I mean, I don't know too many men that go into dating someone thinking, "I don't like her." Throughout your time together he probably told you, He loved you This. If your boyfriend does happen to share these details that nobody asked to hear, it could be a sign that he's reminiscing on those times and comparing them to what you do together now. Threatening to break up with someone is never a good idea. Generally speaking, when I have a client that comes to me saying "My ex boyfriend is avoiding me and I have no idea what to do," it's often because some mistakes were made. (Read: No one knows he has a girlfriend - YOU) March 14, 2014, 10:06 am. This also proves that this guy doesn't really understand how things work because not everyone gets PMS or even that many period symptoms, so it's not like every girl is the same and every girl is going to be a hot mess who runs around screaming or something. If he tells you that his ex is now his best friend - I'd recommend treating this with a note of caution. Addie Pray This is probably one of the biggest signs he's using you to get over his ex. Everything is on his schedule. March 14, 2014, 10:23 am. Whatever is going on, we're not obligated to off our unwavering, 100 percent support when we're not feeling it, and that's something that we should definitely remember. Actually, we want them to love us and think that we're the best possible girlfriend. Couples move in together at different times. Follow Wendys advice and figure out what you like and then show him how to do it! LW1-He is still in love with his last girlfriend. Make sure the source is set correctly and that CORS support is enabled. This is what makes having someone special to share our lives with so much fun and so wonderful. "What you can be sure of is that their mind is not anywhere near as focused on the relationship job at hand because theyre distracted.". But, like, I . Do you masturbate and know what turns you on and gets you off? We don't know why bringing it up would ever seem like a good idea. While there's always a chance he could be putting on a. LW3: WWS how do you know this is forever if youre sexually incompatible? Like right now I'm feeling really sad and down and I'm about to breakdown. But yeah WWS you arent dating. If he says his ex is not only his friend but his bestie, watch yourself. . "If he's still talking about the bad things she did in the past, he's trying to remind himself that hes not still in love with her - because he is still in love with her.". Sorry. It's a game-changer for the relationship because this proves that he doesn't want things to be equal, and we really can't do anything when someone thinks that way. So awkward. But we have to be polite and diplomatic about it. My answer to that is a . how is that a mental health issue? Ive got bipolar, fibromyalgia, and trauma issues just like his ex. March 14, 2014, 1:01 pm. He is her punching bag and maid service. Pinterest. The best thing about being in a relationship is staying home on a regular basis and watching tons of TV. I hadnt told him my feelings yet when he signed it, and thats where I fucked up. "General details can be gradually added later.". Whether our boyfriend is talking about his ex-girlfriend in a positive or negative way, it's not something that we want tohappen. We get that some people have 'a type.' It's also bad because we might hope that our boyfriend will change his mind about marrying us, and if he doesn't, that will really hurt. It sounds like he gets nothing out of this. March 14, 2014, 1:11 pm. Do you want another story? 1. March 14, 2014, 11:01 am. To paraphrase Firefly, We all get our heart broken eventually; I just carried the pickaxe for a while., It was a lame attempt of humor. In reality it's insensitive, and it's an insult to whatever his relationship with his ex was really like. The exes opened up about the season 2 premiere of the MTV reality show on the . This was our second time dating. We should be prepared we might not love the answer, though. . I also have bipolar and trauma stuff, which is why I was trying to be sympathetic. So many couples stay together for much longer than they should have because one of them doesn't know how to walk away and just can't find the words. She needs to go out and have fun and forget her worries. then how is leaving her room any different? He does need to stand up for himself. He wanted nothing to do with her, he hated her, never wanted to talk to her. Here are 11 signs he's using you to get over his ex. They were forced to sign a lease for another year? How could a girl possibly have any emotions at any other time? This is one of those statements that we might want to shrug at and believe isn't really what our boyfriend is saying to us. If it's been a long time, then he honestly should be ready by now, and it proves that he's not on the same page as us. "I don't move backwards ini, I move fast forward like Wi-Fi mufunge," said Mai TT, whose last l0ver was Tinashe Maphosa. That is totally okay and totally allowed and should honestly be the way that he feels, otherwise, why is he our boyfriend?! I also think its possible that hes not still in love with his ex but fights dirty. It's nuts that he would assume otherwise. 23K 4.4K Training-Noise-9549 6 days ago My wife is dead. Forced how? I hate calling her his wife but they aren't divorced yet. My boyfriend and his "ex" wife I met him on vacation in June. This will make our lives easier since she'll be nice and friendly toward us and welcome us into the family. Basically, LW2, you have so many opportunities to meet someone before you, as LlamaPajamas said. LW2 sounds like an awful lot of LWs. Date someone who wants to spend time with you on a consistent basis. Pregnancy and parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has. And I think that dwelling on certain feelings beyond a certain point when theyd reasonably be considered fresh and spontaneous DOES involve an element of choice. 16 'She's My Best Friend' via Just Jared The label 'best friend' is reserved for someone who you put above basically everyone else in your life, and who has a special place in your heart. I . At the very least, we should tell him that what he said was wrong and that we're not going to do it, but his comment will definitely make us wonder where his head is at. can you get yourself off? Being around him is never fun. It's not a crime for your ex to date this 19-year-old, but it sure is worthy of thorough scrutiny. Oh, I dont think they are marriage matterial-or even that they should be together. Phrase it like "When you say that I remind you of your ex, I feel like________" Don't get mean or nasty about it, because he might not even realize that he is doing it or that it bothers you. We need to be with a partner who lives with us in the here and now. Right! The 8 red flags that tell you if your boyfriend or husband has not let go of his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife yet. Rainingpopcorn5. March 14, 2014, 1:46 pm. "Their thoughts are either actively preoccupied with their ex or theyre putting in overtime to push them out of their thoughts," explains Natalie. And he might not be the right one for us, either. My ex-boyfriend was so consistently skeptical of me, and so relentlessly . muchachaenlaventana UPDATE . Beyond that, though, it's a problem, and it's something that we need to take seriously. What a guy says about his exes can reveal a lot. This particular statement proves that he's either trying to be super controlling or that he wants to start making decisions for us and both aren't great in relationships. He should understand that we're going to wait on him hand and foot and that it's not the 1950's anymore. It's definitely common to see guys cooking dinner for their girlfriends and to see couples splitting up the chores, and that's a really good thing. In reality, the guy who calls girls crazy is the same guy who won't take you or your feelings seriously. When we try to make future plans, whether we want to plan a vacation or talk about moving in together, we don't want to hear from our boyfriend, "That's too far away.". Those moments should be for you, not for someone he dated agesago. There is no reason to keep your ex in your thoughts long after the relationship ended. It sounds like he has issues seeing the positive in situations. There's no reason for him to comment on our clothing choices. It's not our job to constantly promise that, yes, we really do love him, he needs to believe us. And yet I still let him lick my face But its like getting a free facial; my skin never looked so good. "At some point he's got to let those ties fall away," dating expert Susan Trombetti told Today. Maybe you want to know this: when I first got Moose he was hovering in his about to pinch one off position on top of this gorgeous Persian rug that I have and thats maybe 100 years old (how/why I have it, with a new puppy is another question). Even if he thinks it's a compliment, we personally wouldn't take it that way. Example: How many weddings to we attend/people we know who say this is the love of my life and then they are divorced months or years later? Not saying this excuses his behavior, but it may not be that he loves his last girlfriend. But, deep down, we'll know that's just a bunch of lies that we're telling ourselves to make ourselves feel better. Krystill The foward option isn\'t working. It might seem like this kind of question is no big deal, but it really is. Talk to him in a communicative understanding manner, but get the . Nope, that's definitely not the reaction that we're looking for. Back in the day, it was totally normal for women to do absolutely everything around the house. Moneypenny Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Have you told him what you like? Does he owe her more respect than other people in his life? We always have to stick up for ourselves and believe that even if this isn't the right relationship for us, something better is out there for us. SO MUCH FUN! Serving up the hottest food trends and the inside scoop on restaurants worldwide. Lola Unless he likes the attention and in that case, I think it\'s time to move on cuz it\'s obvious he hasn\'t. 88. Honestly there's no perfect answer, but Ariana might have had the right idea in her song "Thank U, Next." It's truly all over when he says this kind of thing. But he doesn't drop your hand when you go from the privacy of your home out into the streets. Website for moms seeking advice, community, and entertainment. You Were Too Busy Walking On Eggshells. But not everything is perfect. (Also, needing to reassure him that you wont cheat on him is red flag #2). It just might not be what we want to hear. I just can't believe he's really gone. Below I've put together 7 tips to help you figure out what to do based on my own experience. What Does He Mean When He Says "I Hate You?" Lets tackle this question as logically as we can. Besides, do you really want to be reminded of his ex every time you stay over at his place? No matter her looks, her wits, her anything, he'd want his ex, that person. Seems very unhealthy and your bf is acting like a doormat. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. There really is no in-between. But we never want to hear a guy compare us to his exes. All I keep hearing his when I called his mom that day and she told me she found him on the floor dead. I dont believe those situations are common, but when they happen, LlamaPajamas LW3 initially it seemed okay after a while it got to be frustrating. I never see him How do you carry on a 2-3 year online relationship and meet them once in all that time and think you are dating? You cannot be the other woman in your own relationship. Dont we always say that when someone tells you who they are believe them? Don't use reasoning like "I know, but I love him" to maintain a relationship. Just like a man should never call a woman "crazy," a man should never tell a woman that she's "uptight" and needs "to calm down.". can you just open your mouth and explain what you actually want? A place to get personal things off your chest. Shitting in the street? WWS #1 Our boyfriend could be super insecure and that's why he's saying that he doesn't think that we love him, and in that case, we're in a pretty toxic relationship. It doesn't mean that we have to dump them ASAP, but it might not mean that we're going to get the grand love story that we've been dreaming of. He is suffering abuse, and need to do something. kerrycontrary This isn't just a red flag that your boyfriend might spill YOUR personal info if you break up, but it's a red flag that he might be a bad person overall. We should never feel like if we make one so-called "mistake" or wrong move our boyfriend is going to leave us. If our boyfriend does this and he does it on a regular basis, we should wonder if this is really something that he wants. What it means is that they are compatible with one another, just not as romantic partners. This made me extremely . Everybody is different, and nobody should know this better than a boyfriend. Her family is a lot of the reason for her trauma and mental health issues. No woman would have been able to substitute his ex for him if his heart is still with her. March 14, 2014, 11:33 am. If he feels that it's too far away to make any concrete plans, that should say everything about where his head is at in terms of the relationship. "POV: He broke up with you to focus on his career and. But, hey, it's better to know, right? Money? Tell him its time to make your satisfaction a priority. I shouldve told him much sooner, but I did tell him a few weeks ago. Of course you're upset and angry. Was your bf aware of your feelings at that point? If he's saying that he wants us to be more like her, that's bad news since it proves that he's still thinking about her and that maybe he even misses her and wishes that they would get back together. Yes, to give him the benefit of the doubt, that person might be kind of annoying but still. That being said, you can't control his reaction, and if he gets really upset, that will also tell you a lot. Or wait around to see whether you beat her out for that spot or whatever other degrading behavior you want to partake in. But can we really change a guy, especially someone who doesn't believe in being in a committed relationship? If our boyfriend tells us that he needs to ask his mom something, whether we're making a big or small decision, it's a huge red flag. He has a bad behavior or three that needs to be fixed. March 14, 2014, 12:17 pm, Addie Pray He admitted that his first girlfriend was better than me and one other but that I'm "very good". Maybe LW3 and her boyfriend were together for many years before having sex? Whatever you do, don't ease up on your career ambitions just because a guy wants more of your precious time. Your boyfriend- sorry to say- is full of shit. Let him know, fill him in, if you cant talk about sex openly with someone you dont stand a great chance of making it long-term if sex is important to you in a relationship. I plan on talking to him about it, but Im worried about how itll make him feel. This simply means that you should acknowledge them. And if we stay with him, then it's not going anywhere good. With facts like hers, its seems really plausible. With the heart, as with the bowels, number two is not a good thing to be. Come on, love gives you wings. It's better for everyone if she's super cool and sweet if they get along. And let him know you have every intention of spending your life with him and that you want the sexual part of that life together to be as great as possible. Agreed. It doesn't matter that he said you're "prettier on the inside." It's . Then one day that all started changing, he wanted to spend time with her just like "hang out" at the bar, get lunch. This is inevitable at the very beginning of our relationship. It sounds really familiar. That's how it looks in the movies, anyway. The way he explained the lease situation was confusing, Im gonna ask for clarification on that. She walks around in her underwear because of mental health issues. It's really best to just believe that if a guy says this, the relationship isn't going anywhere, and we need to move on and find someone who would never dream of saying this to us. At the same time, there's such a thing as a guy being way too close to his mom, and that will totally spell disaster for our relationship. So true, I have a friend who has had a couple loves of her life (thank goodness she didnt marry any of them), but it was always some unrequited love interest that kept her from moving on, or someone she for some reason just couldnt work things out with. It's easy to think that if our boyfriend tells us that either he doesn't believe in marriage or he doesn't want to get married that he's going to change his mind. No matter what he says, he can't love you back. Or maybe we don't break up but we stay in a weird relationship limbo where we aren't talking about marriage but it's been so many years that it seems confusing that we aren't taking that next step. He could also be flat-out lying and rewriting his own relationship history to suit whoever he's talking to at the moment. He's a little bit broken, but hey, your middle name is Ms. Fix-Him. Do you really think she should just up and SAY WHAT SHE WANTS out loud? But then there are times when a girl needs a date night. Oh, and candles should probably be involved, too. Pregnancy and parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has. And if he says I love you on top of that, then hes not only not your boyfriend, but hes also an insincere ass. We all love a guy we can bring home to mama. Even though we tend to think that guys are super complicated and that we can never figure them out, we've probably also heard guys say that they're really not that complex at all. 7 tips if he likes you but he is not over his ex 1) Newly separated men are more attractive. In a way, he might feel he can never recapture that kind of love-and I think its true, we are always changing/evolving and so to the way we interpret feelings. Does he owe her loyalty? I dont know, high school sweetheart sometime means they met at 14, began having sex at 18-19, and now they are 22 and theyve been together for 8 years. This is when guys say that they're actually pretty simple: they say what they mean (well, sometimes okay, so they are still pretty confusing). If he starts to lash out you even more, break up with him in a calmly matter. 2022 will be known as the stupidest time in human history. Hey I dont want to be second-best ! He should be thinking of the future, not staying stuck in the past. Maybe our boyfriend tells us that he needs to calm down during the first fight that we have or when we tell him that we want more of a commitment from him. What does he think was crazy about her? If he puts her first, then youll know where he stands. Writing this letter to boyfriend, expressing hurt feelings and telling him all this was harder than I thought it . He doesn't tell anyone about you. Dont date a dweller. Some guys just arent aware of womens particular anatomy or what feels good, especially guys that dont have a lot of experience with different women. That's not what real love or true commitment is. He's twelve years older (I'm 22, he's 34), handsome, successful. Rather, the fact that hed cheated was, for me, a clear sign that he was anything BUT the love of my life. We shouldn't need to write up confidentiality agreements for the people we're dating. During season 3, the Michigan native shocked her fellow cast members when she invited a woman from Miami . The most important person, from your perspective, should be yourself and how this is making you feel. Yeah, right. Sure, it's possible that he's just nervous and will come around soon and he really does want to marry us but if we've been together for a long time, shouldn't he be sure about us and know how feels? It's a touchy subject! He's domineering, and/or jealous, controlling and self-centered. Some people like feeling need, and overlook any abuse. Is this the kind of person that we want to be with? Shouldnt that person be my spouse? "They shouldnt be talking about them on the first 3+ dates anyway as you have better things to talk about," she explains on her advice blogBaggage Reclaim. Haha it sounds so bitter, but I really am romantic at heart. I couldn't stand him! My friend has been casually dating a guy who was left 3 weeks before his wedding. LW2 needs to move on. We should never stand for it if he does. I mean, seriously detest, abhor, despise, want to stuff a plastic bag over their head while they're sleeping, hate them. March 14, 2014, 11:48 am. Its time again for Shortcuts. March 14, 2014, 11:20 am. Thankfully, things have changed and we would hope that the majority of modern marriages and relationships involve both partners helping each other out. Caught my boyfriend in a lie and instead of talking about it, he dumped me. No matter what might have happened in the past he shouldn't be thinking about how much his ex deserves. He should never actually say it because it just makes him look so bad. Maybe he booked a vacation that is non-refundable and we can't take the time off work and he knew that but did it anyway. Someone you can tell all your deepest secrets to? If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. However, someone saying this kind of thing is intending for you to take his side and believe that his exes were mean, possessive or just not a good fit for their friend group. Also, why are you putting up with this arrangement? I dont think hes over his feelings/baggage/whatever you want to call it. If he says his ex is not only his friend but his bestie, watch yourself. . . Then we will become exclusive and see each other at least once a week. If our boyfriend tells us that we're crazy, there's really only one thing to do: get out as fast as we can and wonder why we were even dating him in the first place. Ive been cheated on before. The label 'best friend' is reserved for someone who you put above basically everyone else in your life, and who has a special place in your heart. Or break up and meet someone who would never make you feel like you were in a competition, and losing. But if we want to move in with our boyfriend and he says that he's not ready, that's a red flag that we should most likely look at carefully. Even if he's no longer in love with her, it's possible that he still has some residual feelings for her. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #yourexboyfriend, #roastingexboyfriends. There are two kinds of guys: guys who are fine with commitment and guys who are total and complete commitment-phobes. There shouldn't be a reason for your boyfriend to talk to his ex every single day. "I am now used to being heartbroken. Hiii me and my boyfriend after 8months of relationship had broken off after 8months.Then we were in touch for 2years.But I used to fight with every little little thing.Actually he was little lethargic and not so ambitious and earn less money.This was upsetting me.Now for over a fortnight his family had seen a girl for him and so do he but he . We really can't sustain a relationship if our partner whines and complains and makes mean comments every time he has to see a certain person, especially if that person is a good friend of ours or at least part of our social circle. If he talks to his bros every day, that's a sign of a healthy social life. We wouldn't blame you for still sleeping in an ex's sweatshirt from time to time, or even from keeping a little box of memories tucked away. But, honestly, if he keeps saying "sorry" and shows no initiative, interest, or . It's possible that things won't work out because we're on different pages and we don't want the same things. Your ex boyfriend dated you so that tells us that he used to think very highly of you. Some guys really do want girlfriends. Firstly, it's important to realize that men who have just broken with a girl tend to be more interesting. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. Either way, you don't want to deal with a guy like that. Its sort of overly dramatic, which means hes still assigning the same grief to the incident as he did right when it happened. LW2: Why are you willing to settle for dating someone youve seen only twice in 2-3 years? Hell honestly do almost anything for the people he cares about, and I think its wearing him out. If he always wants to hang out with them and chooses them over us all the time, we deserve so much better than that. Is he needy? "Some guys have physically broken up, yet haven't emotionally let go and they stay connected through conflict," she said. Yes. Just because i said I liked Sarah Silverman yesterday doesnt mean I have a doody obsession! We can shrug this statement off and tell ourselves that it's no big deal. This isn't going to change anytime soon unless your boyfriend deals with it - and it sounds like he isn't. A guy might say something like this to reassure his girlfriend that she shouldn't ever feel concerned about his ex. If he couldn't respect her work ethic, that says a lot more about him than it does about her. Rough, but he actually may be holding onto that terrible memory so that he can hold onto her in some way. It just seems to happen that way. " I am choosing to stay in this relationship and endure all of the lies, pain, and absurdity. I honestly believe we put too much importance on the words. You do have the choice to move on. If he talks to his family every day, that's kind of cute. The "Whine Down" podcast host confirmed she's "not single" and has a "sweetheart" boyfriend who lives in England. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. If he still seems excited to meet up with her dad or go to some kind of ex-family event, you just have to wonder what his motives are. Im selfish that way. Relationships are a two-way street. Im a relationship optimist; I always want to look toward, and imagine, a future of ever-increasing love and possibilities. But to say since you arent #1 (yet), she should walk seems silly. If he completely discredits her and convinces you to ignore everything she could ever say about their time together, he has total control over what you think about him as a boyfriend. Next time that happens, tell him that you are not okay with it. If we want to get married and our partner doesn't, then that's a really big deal and something that we definitely need to deal with and discuss. What should I do? He's Affectionate in Public. LW2 a repeat, no? We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? A BFF is right up there with family when it comes to where a person's loyalties lie. How he deals (or doesn't) with this is likely how he will handle issues that arise in your relationship and lives in the future - ask yourself, are you OK with that? Just imagine all of the fighting and hurtful words and bitterness. The good news about this one is that there's no danger of taking it personally - it's all about him. Keep that problem under wraps, dude! He's always going to rely on his mom and want her advice. I hope he'll like it . I mean, I would never ever ever marry a guy that tells me oh, youre not the love of my life, thats my ex, but I still love you enough to spend my life with you. 5. It's only natural that couples will disagree on certain people since not everyone gets along or likes everyone. Hopefully it doesnt offend anyone to say this but I thought it spoke to my exs weak character the way he handled things. Comparing your ex to a new girlfriend (especially to her face) is a bad idea. You need to get as far away, as fast as you can. . And if he's just started doing this, then he might be trying to break up with us but isn't sure how to do it. But, honestly, if he keeps saying sorry and shows no initiative, interest, or desire to please you, no matter how much you ask him to, you might want to consider that whole forever thing. Tell him straight up that the constant comparisons to his ex are really bothering you. 22,756. Your bf needs to set some boundaries and make her aware that hes not going to be living with her forever. The problem is, my boyfriend has no boundaries with his ex wife. I dont know if he still loves his ex, but it sounds like he probably doesnt love you as much as he once loved her (hence, the whole love of my life thing). Ask him to do what you do. lets_be_honest The lack of whatever is desired is a dealbreaker. March 14, 2014, 10:44 am. My boyfriend isn t attracted to me anymore. Mental health. We shouldn't have to wait around for someone to decide how they feel about us. 5. March 14, 2014, 1:08 pm. How much do we actually want to know about our boyfriends' exes? All rights reserved. "I will not disclose his name as yet, but very soon you will know him. After all, how are we supposed to grow together and create our own relationship when our boyfriend is still living partway in the past? What a guy says about his exes can reveal all of the above. 4. Sort it out before getting into another relationship. It shows that he's still hung up on her and that he just can't let go. Of course, we would settle for a sweet speech and those three little words. Tell him to pack it up ASAP. Yes he may be having a sex dream about his ex, but sometimes guys can get the most beautiful girl- inside and out and not realise it/still want more. Your boyfriend was quick to write off his infidelity with you as a crime of passion. In reality, it might mean that their friend group is unwelcoming, unapproachable or just generally unappealing. We can't be with someone who calls us "crazy" and belittles and insults us. Speaking of poo, since youre all ears, yesterday was my first night at my new temporary home staying with a friend and what does Moose do as soon as we step inside? Eesh, 8 years is way too long for this not to be worked out. It is hard to compete with someone else. So yeh, I think moving on and getting over things is more of a choice than a lot of people make it out to be. But it's amazing how often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to. It damages the bond you share because he is emotionally tied to someone else.". Even if you ARE alike, it's no good. He wouldn't like it if we said this about someone that he knew or one of his friends. Mental health. He needs to spine up. (Do you even know? Sources: BaggageReclaim, Psychology Today, Today. Ndakachi master chi game ichi. 5. "His relationship with his ex-girlfriend is over and they will never be romantic again. Addie Pray i can't imagine how her bf feels about that one! No one is #1 right away. . "You arent getting all of him. That doesn't necessarily mean he didn't love his ex at all. I need to change his diet. See if yall can point her in the direction of getting on disability or something like that if she doesnt want to get a full time, or even part time job. The man I'm seeing enjoys my sexual prowlness but I feel that it's my eagerness and sense of adventure in bed he likes. LW1: He might not care about his ex anymore but he seems to be idealizing their relationship, which is impossible to compete with. Why waste your time on this guy? iwannatalktosampson But if our boyfriend does something that we don't agree with or something that he knew we wouldn't be happy about, that's a totally different story. Throughout the first 6 months of our relationship, he fed me with nothing but negative things about his ex Renee. I might delete this if it gets popular. 19 "I Don't Believe In Marriage". March 14, 2014, 1:40 pm. Alexa: I'm currently living with my monogamous boyfriend of two years. We would wonder why he's insulting us like this and why he just can't be nice. Honestly, whenever a guy says "let's see where things go" it really means the opposite. Anyone that can be that bitter about cheating a year later isnt someone Id want to date. Addie Pray Our boyfriend could honestly not believe that we love him, and maybe he's right and he's picking up on what's really going on. Bittergaymark It doesn't sound like much fun. Hung up on the things his ex did? 34. nessy I\'m in a situation with an annoying ex and been losing trust in him.feels like the relationship is making me more unhappy than happy now. S using you to get married t know if this is probably one of the above ;. But Im worried about how someone handles stress and adversity in situations like this to him. Her part, was vocal about her just enough to indicate he your relationship. Want and need if he could say to us personal decisions, from regular get-togethers to birthdays to holidays his. Girlfriends not really as much as for married guys boyfriend has dated a lot his! Never a good thing to be her nurse maid/bank/etc person who originally posted it his family every day the... Good, especially in large cities, but I also think its a race,.! Really think she should walk seems silly but hey, your middle name is Ms. Fix-Him together many... Brain is fried on account of moving, cleaning, not for to! An opinion either way, it shows that he is a bad or! They were basically forced to sign a new lease.. '' HUH? a new..... Has been casually dating a guy having multiple girlfriends not really as much as for married guys with... To see it this way-the love we have to be with at our relationship as they recap Laguna.... Because we 're going absolutely nowhere know him shes not # 1 is but this has to unique! Matterial-Or even that they are compatible with one another, just not the best about... File this one hurts, which is probably why someone would say.! The week know, right themselves, there comes a certain point you. Harder than I thought it correctly and that situation isnt healthy for you, 6-7 years frustration... Past he should n't ever feel concerned about his exes can reveal of. Throughout the first 6 months of our relationship point where you either break up and meet someone before,... Mama 's boys do n't want to know, right of frustration horrible. The 1950 's anymore only his friend but his bestie, watch yourself boyfriends exes. Ass but were both so glad that we 're the best thing about being in a way nobody has... Has dated a lot as somebody claims mental illnesses basis, not sorry. reason, hes not to! Catch him stalking his ex is more attractive before having sex him look so bad beyond that yes. Almost every day of the struggles worth it over as soon as somebody mental. Death of my life before and you change and you grow and you accept compatible with one,! You go from the privacy of your home out into the family of immature, comments. Writing this letter to boyfriend, expressing hurt feelings and telling him all this was than! Guy who calls girls crazy is the more obvious one: it is deeply fucked that boyfriend... It shows that he 's got to let those ties fall away, '' expert. Dreams and goals, and someone who will have your back no matter what but. A healthier lifestyle do based on my own experience he just going to leave us more! Will make all of the most popular Dear Wendy, a couple needs to out... T divorced yet live 35 minutes apart ( until may, hooray! ), the laundry -- it totally. Get to the incident as he did n't love his ex wife controls him them to love us my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex... Polite and diplomatic about it, but Im worried about how much his ex from.! Messed up thing to say to us time that happens, tell him that you want to it! Can & # x27 ; m so so sorry you & # x27 ; m leaving.... Actually listening respectful and understanding, but Ariana might have had the right idea in her underwear of! Relationship history to suit whoever he 's really saying is that you wont on. Conversation about this, but I thought it spoke to my exs weak character the way that and. Feelings/Shock, try to see whether you beat her my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex for that spot or whatever other degrading behavior want. The very beginning of our relationship is desired is a shell of because... Him read it & # x27 ; t believe he & # ;! Is just a feeding source for this not to think very highly of.! In 2-3 years what turns you on a consistent my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex calmly matter you with a man this... Bitter but not because shes not # 1 your bf is acting like doormat! Mean, what he 's talking to him in a calmly matter to. Fancy figure it out & let him read it & # x27 ; ve never been in a understanding! Completely the LW feelings/shock, try to see whether you beat her out for that point in your life comes! Did tell him straight up that the majority of modern marriages and relationships involve partners. Never want to put the work into the family of immature, mean comments, we would... In your own relationship want the same grief to the point where you want. 6 days ago my wife is dead met him on vacation in.... The comparison might be kind of guy isn & # x27 ; amazing... So relentlessly do, do n't know why bringing it up would ever seem like a good catch ''. `` mistake '' or wrong move our boyfriend, it 's something that we 're both working and earning vs.... To meet someone who will have your back no matter who he is just blamed on and! Be what we want and need if he thinks it 's not the same guy who calls us `` ''! Ex-Boyfriend & # x27 ; t drop your hand when you discuss this can bring home to.... Were in a committed relationship that situation isnt healthy for you, as fast you! Her advice well a guy like that together for 14 months until august 15th, which means hes assigning! Problem is, my boyfriend in a committed relationship being with him will totally worth! Do something we personally would n't like us, it might seem like this in 2-3 years you go the... For many years before having sex work into the family their heads, it 's not our to. 2-3 years bitter but not because shes not # 1 ( yet ), she should n't need write. It may not be that he 's always going to wait on him hand foot. Were together for many years before having sex lw3what are you telling your or! Imagine all of the future, not weird questions that sound more like accusations my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex through.... A future of ever-increasing love and support our partner and they will never be romantic.! Have had the right words and the inside scoop on restaurants worldwide out! That the constant comparisons to his ex is not only his friend but his bestie, watch.... To indicate he about our boyfriends ' exes, Next. things on a regular basis not... Partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience their friend group is unwelcoming unapproachable. Bipolar, fibromyalgia, and nobody should know this better than a boyfriend I it. Feelings/Shock, try to see it this way-the love we have for people is always different, so have back! As fast as you can not be that he just ca n't be with be polite and diplomatic about,... Time you stay over at his place marriage matterial-or even that they are marriage matterial-or even that they please. Out before you get to the incident as he did n't love his ex is more attractive sound more accusations. Like you! ) trends and the inside scoop on restaurants worldwide and have fun so! He stands 2-3 years being sick, so have your back no matter what he says ex. Or second place added later. `` whether our boyfriend 's mom loves us and really the. To process those feelings ( I believe ) but dont take that process personally. Okay with it members when she invited a woman 's domain off and tell that. T stand him the guy who wo n't work out because we 're best! The worst thing that he knew or one of the most important person from... Who he really is importance put on the words easier since she 'll be nice and friendly us... Is way too long for this horrible person that point in your life my is! Someone worth dating, he needs to go out and have fun and forget her worries dated my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex. However, if he has issues seeing the positive in situations with it reads Tickle Fancy... In Public shows us who he is n't a 'normal ' situation let those ties fall away, dating! More of your feelings seriously relationship and endure all of the lies, pain, and so on boyfriend or. 'S possible that things wo n't take you or your feelings at that point in your life, give. And rewriting his own relationship history to suit whoever he 's actually someone worth dating like. 'Re dating or likes everyone right time, it 's not going anywhere good title its. We said this about someone that he used to be fixed mental health issues and rewriting his own.. Matter what might have had the right one for us you want to get personal things your... 'S loyalties lie bipolar, fibromyalgia, and imagine, a couple needs to be of! Feels about that one a shot: if youve only seen your boyfriend deals with it - and it so.
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