Asthma can be lethal, especially in a wilderness situation like camping. As this is NOT normal male behavior. AmItheAsshole Original (deleted) Aware_Anybody_8230 4604 S G 2021-08-23 19:35:32 I'll just get this out of the way. My question would be why the hell op allowed it to go this far without imposing consequences on her family. Then NC. Must be tire then! Please evaluate whether you want them in your life. He TOLD ME that hed be taking my car and I should take the train. Knowledge and wisdom are threatening to people with small minds. These people are sick, and they stay in a pack to reinforce each others sickness. Or the panic and other feelings all together when you feel you cant breathe. Doesn't make him soft, The men in your family are obviously deeply insecure, if they feel the need to hide someone's medicine so they can get one over on the "college kid". fast forward to yesterday, she messages me telling me to sell the tickets because she got better seats. Her future husband should have joined in and told OPs family hes no longer participating in their ridiculous tests. but what if i dont? Or not even cut them off, just make sure I am not in the position where they could do that to me again e.g. NTA they gone far beyond pranks are just bullying him now. Like, Tim is well within his rights to leave this shitshow if she doesn't follow through (as he should be), but it sounds like she's been trying to get them to cut it out since the beginning and this was the final straw. Where do they even escalate from here? You need to put a stop to it and you should have put a stop it long time ago. It took quite a bit of analyzing past incidents and months of research into the topic before it really sank in for me. NTA for uninviting them. NTA but why would you let it escalate to this point? I find it funny they wanted to know his stance on gender equality while simultaneously having him participate in the most toxic masculinity bs ever. Seriously, people shouldnt mess with other peoples medical stuff regardless of whether its a pair of glasses, a wheelchair or an inhaler. I think those types of people also sometimes have some deep down feelings of envy, too, over getting degrees, but mostly they just hate that colleges help a lot of people to develop critical thinking skills and helps teens to grow up and break out of the small-town or suburb way of existing because they get exposed to lots of different people of different races and views and religions for the first time, and many find out the things thier parents said about those "others" are not true at all. Run, Tim, RUN!!! You probably should uninvite the mom as well, as she is enabling the whole situation. Would they still fuck with him if there was a chance hed pound them into the ground like a fence post? And if I were Tim, I would be reconsidering marrying into your family. i dont listen to this artist but she begged (and i mean BEGGED) me to buy a ticket and go with her because nobody else would (shed already asked her other step-sister before asking me). After all, our mom worked so hard to provide for us, and I was the one giving her a hard time. I wouldn't want them anywhere near me or my SO. No time to waste searching for it. You did not ruin your relationship with your family. Honestly if I were your fiance I wouldn't even want to marry into that nonsense. However, when Wife is changing the diapers Husband will often enter the room and insist she smile whilst doing so as it may affect the child emotional state. I even got ignored by her extended family for a year because, when visiting their trailer for a weekend, I waited for instruction instead of just "jumping in and doing it" when they were rebuilding docks, something I'd never experienced before. Thats a lot of shit I would not put up with. Also if she had to beg and beg for you to go with her she may have assumed you didn't want to come and she was relieving you of a burden when she cancelled. I hope he realizes that unless you stand up for him and put your dumb ass family in their place - he should move on. NTA - do NOT let these awful people come to your wedding. Its just a joke is just the typical response to make it seem less harmful and make the victim out to be exaggerating. So it's safe to assume they would have stopped pranking after they "accidentally " killed him? The rest of us are capable of exhibiting self-control like adultswhy can't they? He would be better off using the money to wipe his ass than spend it on her, Lol she let him pay the wedding and then invites him lol I hope stepdad cuts her out too, How directly the fare there so many NTA and ESH?`, Let me guess, most have some variation of "It's YOUR wedding!!!!". She's NTA. Please dont cave, your fianc deserves to have that bullshit stay far away from him. AHs are still AHs. This is THE hill to die on. My junior and senior years of high school they had my two younger half-brothers and my stepdad forced me to drop out of all extracurriculars so I could take care of them after school which severely hurt my chances of scholarships. It might be beneficial for you to also post this in r/raisedbynarcissists and do some research (if you haven't already) on narcissistic parents. Hiding inhaler is not a joke and slashing his car tires, i assume they paid money to get things right? Its unfortunate that they are your family members. My dad is technically my stepdad but he is the only dad I have ever known. He was my hero. NTA but you should have cut your family off long ago. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. As an asthmatic myself I agree with doing this. her mother very clearly is an enabler. Shes just found her breaking point to realizing its not and her soon to be husband was the person who showed her. Cut them off and reported them for property damage to law enforcement. Fun, but definitely dont do this. I would've called police on them after the tire incident. And it's not about me. NTA. (Already responded but can't resist a LOTR reference!). ESH minus your Fianc who should gtfo to be honest. Nice people don't let their partners be abused by their family. I'd have dipped a long time ago and if they don't stop, her bf will too before long. These pranks are just excuses to be pricks. Even if you dont, I think I would be pretty furious at him for being so selfish he would rather potentially die and leave me and our possible kids without a husband and father because hes too afraid to go to a doctor to find out if he has a condition thats actually treatable with simple medicine! Who wins out of this? You are strong. Recently, he TOLD ME he was taking my car to see his bio son. Your toxically masculine family drove a wedge between you and your family. This is the reason to establish care with a trusted GP so that if somethjng goes wrong you aren't in that situation. SSDGM. You dont hide someones inhaler their inhaler can mean the difference between life and death. They dont seem to have any!! To be fair, it is quite likely that they have bullied her for her entire life too. My friends and I, all Afab and babyfaced enough to look like we were 18-25 once got asked what was holding up the car in a concerned tone while we were trying to change a tire. Hiding an inhaler can cause DEATH. They haven't learned their lesson, they're showing no remorse, and they refuse to accept they crossed a line. It's not fun. His worth js as a humannot reliant on their approval or testing. I hope not. I literally stopped breathing 3 times as an infant/toddler from it. that's downright cruel! My brother used to prank us by leaving frogs in our bed or tying the sprayer so it stayed spraying and then wiping mud or something on us so we'd have to go wash our arm and get sprayed turning the water on. I, on the other hand got to live with my stepdad more since I'm the youngest and we established a somewhat stable relationship. All they're doing is alienating you and your man from the rest of the family. The offending pranksters would have gotten a bill from us. This post made me so mad. Mom cheated on stepdad a year ago and he left us. Not sure if you are being sarcastic or one of the people who refuse to believe asthma is real, As a person who has it, I can confirm that it is easier to run out of energy compared to others and it is very important to keep an inhaler on you in case something happens and it does really help a lot , Inhaler have saved peoples lives many times. Tires aren't free. . No, they had to literally endanger his life and/or health before you took this seriously. These are not pranks. NTA What an ungrateful bitch. They have intentionally tried to belittle him and make him feel like hes not welcome in the family. Next time they try to manipulate you into downplaying their behavior by holding their respect for Tim at ransom, tell them they will lose your respect and see how much they care about it, my guess is they won't. Seriously consider it for his own safety AND for the safety of any future children. I know, right? OP may or may not have been explicit about why, but she is changing the way she treats their father. Your family's version of what a "real man" is, is twisted. If not, they really should be smarter than that. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: i am thinking about uninviting my sister from my mothers birthday dinner because she abruptly left me to go to the concert with someone else. There's something wrong with anyone who considers vandalism like slashing tires a prank. This thread has been locked by the moderators of r/AmItheAsshole, Comments are in random ordering and vote scores are hidden. Get away from these people and their toxic masculinity. If someone hid my inhaler, I would consider that attempted murder. Somehow, they dont understand how serious their actions are. They are cruel and bordering on criminal behavior. I have severe asthma, without my inhaler I will die. Being punished isnt going to make them sorry, its going to make them mad. Try to prank their father out of them? Nta. Of course not, bullies are inherently cowards. Those men are beyond toxic. NTA but that will change in a hurry if you ever expose your fianc to any of these people again. NTA , pranks and tests are okay but they need boundaries. YTA for allowing this to go for as long as it did. What they did is unacceptable. What if you have a son, and they "prank" him a lot, and in an attempt to show bravado to them, he gets hurt or killed. OP wonder this..what happens if and when you have a child specially if it's a boy. What if he had an asthma attack and couldn't breathe because he couldn't find his inhaler? Id make a police report and go no contact. Theyve done damage to private property and have threatened the life of your fianc. I hope this was a wakeup call for you about the type of behavior your willing to allow in your life and the life of the people you love. I called him and the others awful then I left. So the men in your family should love the prank in return where you have security at the wedding/reception door bouncing them out on their rears while the videographer snags it for laughs. Your family needs some serious help. I suffer asthma and it is not something to joke about. Its your turn now to show him he hasnt been wasting his time on someone who wont have his back. NTA. That wasnt a prank or a joke, it was an act of cruelty. A set of new tires will easily run you $600-$800, that is a very expensive prank and I absolutely would have taken them to small claims court over it. Getting uninvited from your wedding is nothing. NTA. Thats violent and harassment. "However, I figured I . They could be arrested! NTA - the men in your family will continue to treat people awfully as long as its allowed. Want you to be happy? And what you cannot do is allow this to continue, because Tim doesn't deserve to spend the rest of his life being tortured by your extended family. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. If not, then OP is out of family members that shouldn't be near them anyways. NTA for calling them out but you are TA for letting it continue this far. Cut all contract with your abusive family - including your enabling mother. Little Timmy could have pranked them back by dying without his inhaler if he hasn't discovered its loss in time. Whats up with their strange view on masculinity? I was thinking "surely there must be a law against hidng someone's medication, that could be so fucking dangerous. "I'm getting married, I want my kids there, as well as my nieces/nephews, and a handful of other kids from both families.". They're being mean and trying to downplay it. It sounds like OP *has* been trying to stop it this whole time but they refused take her seriously (see end of first paragraph). Is he the type of man who is open and honest with you? This is hazing, and it could have turned deadly. It's obvious they have preconceived ideas on what a real man is (going so far to risk your fiance health). Does anyone have Ventolin to keep them alive until the ambulance gets here? Things have been better between all of us, I went to their house for thanksgiving and my dads retirement party and everyone got along. So funny! Especially men with small minds that have a lot of toxic masculinity going on. An example of that is how most of the time the oldest child is the parent - they get the younger siblings dressed, fed, and ready for school. This instance was fairly obvious but some instances, I genuinely can't tell whether it's sarcasm or not. Just because theyre family doesnt mean you should allow them to hurt you. NTA. INFO: how does your fianc feel? Cut those degenerates out of your life! The only excuse is that she has been raised in this toxic environment and does not realise how bad it is. If someone slashed my tires Id be screwed. NTA. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. No, they crossed into criminal behavior with the slashing of the tires. Typical stepdad behavior. You're family doesn't know the definition of "prank". Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Completely agree. Moreover, do you really want people in your life that don't believe ASTHMA is a serious medical condition. Thats a crime and in some cases fatal. NTA a prank is a Whoopie Cushion not slashing tires. Idiots. Nope, not at all. Hiding medical devices? Theyd get one prank. Not only would I keep them disinvited, Id go no contact completely. Whenever I get a new job site I make it clear I love pranks. They will do something worse to pay you back on your wedding day. AITA for uninviting my stepdad from my wedding so my brothers could come? She's not bordering on it, she's well over the border. Your wedding day will be one big joke to them. Their pranks have been unacceptable - in some cases criminal and in the case of the inhaler, something that could have landed them a manslaughter charge in the worst case scenario. Tbh the fact that they did this shows me what kind of character THEY are and honestly, i would have kicked them out aswell. An inhaler is necessary medical equipment your fiance needs, not an accessory because he's "soft". Exactly that. Those assholes would show up in their hunting gear and make everyone miserable. NTA. They took his medication so he couldnt breathe well. Its fucking property damage! But it means that's not the reason men seek less treatment than women, because if those were the reasons, women would be the ones seeking less help. NTA. I am a woman who grew up in a very masculine family. They never thought lesser of me for being a woman, or my best friend for being gay. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. Hes already living in fear but so far has decided his love for you is worth it, but how far can that stretch? Are you going to allow these people around your future children? Who slashes tyres as a prank? Everyone here takes the right choice as a foregone conclusion, but Id spend days having a panic attack if that was thrust on me. Who is kind and helps others? Those family members suck. It was infuriating and that was just a case of bad luck. This would, in your shoes, absolutely be my hill to die on. ESH except your fianc. OP is NTA for what she is asking about, but how on earth was the tire stunt not the line drawn in the sand? English? She should at least have offered to find buyers for you. NTA. I feel like it is finally time to cut my dad off but idk AITA? Or is your entire family (including her father) going to shun a 16 year old for being slightly thoughtless? First, none of those "challenges" are typical of things men do and several are legit crimes. NTA. He could have died. Read this before contacting the mod team. And op's mother is part of the problem, asking Op to "be the bigger person". NTA, but your family clearly is. They have it, but it burns everyone around them. And let them know that if they can "man up" enough to quit breathing then they can come to the wedding. Dad said they'll apologize if I insist but Tim will have lost the little respect they'd gained for him. The family is lucky they haven't called for a restraining order. They committed destruction of property at the very least. ESH. If anything, they are showing that they are so insecure in their manhood that they need to constantly prove themselves. Its not a feeling I would wish on anyone! I don't think I am the asshole because I suffered years of his abuse and don't feel I deserve to be spoken to like that. This is bullying and real dangerous stuff. as i mentioned, the money isnt really the issue, its more just how she did it. pranks have no lasting impact, aside from a shared laugh in the future. Did they pay for those tires? Good lord. Also, are they the kind of people who can sit down and shut up? Die on this hill. Damn he must love you to have continued to be abused. NTA. This is what I was thinking. Also if she had to beg and beg for you to go with her she may have assumed you didn't want to come and she was relieving you of a burden when she cancelled. Your former lack of imposing boundaries is concerning and has led to this life threatening situation. Yup. Wow :/, honestly OP is the asshole, for being too soft with her parents and allowing this shit to happen, This is exactly what I came here to say. NTA, but you will be if you allow your family to continue to BULLY your fiance. Your family is bullying him and you just let them. I could definitely see these assholes trying to cover something like that up. you should try learning to parse tone without slash indicators. This is a hill to die on. I definitely would have pressed charges. Same here. Also this is really concerning that you dont see that aspect. These are not funny pranks, these are "how much will you take?" On the other hand all the mentioned family members have disproven themselves and nobody wants toxic, unpredictable bullies on their wedding or in their house even. Your relatives arent funny, they are aggressive and harmful and your fianc shouldnt have to see them ever again, it is on them to realise the seriousness of their behaviour and make amends. Because they'll show up to the wedding and proclaim themselves as MeN tHaT aRe Up FoR tHe ChAlLeNgE. NTA, you should elope and go NC with this family of bullies. OP has recognized that her family is toxic in comparison to the 'norm', and she's actually putting her foot down and starting to set serious boundaries BEFORE marrying her SO. And if you decide to have kids one day, how do you think they will treat your innocent children to toughen them up. If they're doing this shit to a grown man, they will absolutely bully a male child. Stick with your opinion you are not exaggerating. NTA. They all seem to think you wood be more concerned about what they think of your fianc than what he thinks of them. Also when I had no health insurance I almost was literally about to die of the paramedics where a few minutes late then they where. Especially with your dad, who will apologize but will lose respect for him. Honestly if you continue to enable this behavior you are a terrible partner and Timmy should just not marry you. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Why has your fianc not filed a police report on these people? They were so busy feeding their egos that it didn't occur to them that they were jerks who were committing a crime when slashing tires and seriously risking the fiances life when they hid his inhaler. Oh Im sure they wanted to know about whether he would enforce gender inequality and support the patriarchy. He couldve literally died for a prank. NTA. It isn't easy to do; it isn't easy to learn when to do it. Bringing you the freshest and best posts from r/AmItheAsshole Timestamps:0:00 - AITA for causing my sister to no longer have her college paid for?2:14 - AITA. Toxic masculinity is so fucking dangerous to all of us. None of those pranks are funny. Ngl he did what he could to help me out with school and everything, he even offered to fund my wedding which is going to be in 5 weeks time and I'm very grateful for that though this was his decision. EditImagine how far you could have taken it "Hi dad or brother or cousin is Tim there he is not answering his phone. What do you mean he leftOK no worries I will wait till he gets home. To be fair he does sound like a doormat I dont think he will end the relationship bevore the wedding, maybe after a few years of a unhappy mariadge. What your sister did was shitty, she let you down and made you waste 90. And now that you have stood up to them, they've gone crying to Mom. If my husband do this to me one day, aka letting people bully me, he would find himself very lonely because I'll be gone. Not everyone here is a native English speaker, so it's a bit unfair to expect everyone to be able to infer tone from a block of text, Yea I got it but tbf it sounds like the OPs family think this was unironically so on posts like these I do think it's more needed than not. ", Then why tf did you ask him if you knew he was gonna be biased lmao. If its not too late/theres texted proof, it seems like a good time to call the police and also to file a small claims suit. Clear vandalism and harassment, and Im pretty sure some kind of theft charge could be leveled against them on the inhaler. And that goes for you mom as well, because she's actually taking up for your dad, WTF?!? ETA: please tell me they paid for the tyres. Im sorry but is your family a bunch of uneducated hicks that actually think this shit is normal? Doesn't matter if it's family or not! Imagine having asthma? you're acting like a responsible adult, he's acting like a spoiled child. Toxic masculinity all over this story. My in laws are great, but that's not something I'd sign up for unless I felt like my wife really wanted me to go for some reason. Put it back on them. Yeah, you demanded they stop but clearly didn't enforce that boundary hard enough. You dont let bygones be bygones when someone knowingly puts another persons life at risk. They dont deserve to be at the wedding. Thats not an excuse, honestly. Your family already drove that wedge, not Timmy. Thats emotional blackmail. Arent we trying to advocate for mens mental health? Id tolerate an event with lots of people where they were there but I didnt have to speak to them. If you don't cut these relatives out of your life, when Tim leaves you, you will end up marrying someone like them. . He absolutely should have pressed charges and taken OP's family to small claims court over this stunt. I would be pressing charges for sure. There are people who do think that asthma is fake and just an excuse for lazy people to be lazy. They aren't men. This was them seeing if he would literally die. Filing a police report would be justified, but only so theres a paper trail in case they continue to harass him. Youre right - they were hazing him. To hell with that nonsense. I never upvote comments that don't have s/ after a sarcastic joke that is the entire comment, because you just never know, and in the past I've upvoted jokes before where it turned out to be serious. You have my sword!! Being in a good mood I went on a websearch to add some examples of that having happened. Theyre literally vandalizing a vehicle and engaging in medical abuse to prove some sort of sick and twisted toxic masculinity flex. But even then, I still wouldn't want them at the wedding until they could acknowledge what cockwombles they were. Cut those toxic people out and go be happy with the man who loves you. NTA OP, Stick to your guns. Just they just seem like big bullies to me. OP this is a hill worth dying on. This has got to be in the rural midwestfucking stupid redneck or white trash shit. Tell them they need to apologize and gain respect in your eyes .. Tell them that their insecurities about how manly they are is showing loud and clear to everyone. Exactly. This is dangerous and just irresponsible. But in this case, the victim is the one feeling bad for the familial rift - which is really normal since hes the normal one of the group. If I were OP's fiance, I'd just dip out of this whole thing and look for someone who comes from a normal, sane family. . I thought the exact same thing. Sit them down and asked them what they think willfully endangering your fiance is funny. dad is so mad and now he's getting mom involved to get me to reconsider this decision. NTA. He passed away. I told him no because I need to go to work. NTA. OP is the poster child for NTA. They seem to have missed the point in their fun that their attempts to test your partner will also have shown him what kind of people they are! NTA. NTA. People die from asthma. Your family members sound horrible, I'm so sorry you have to deal with them. These are no pranks, this is bullying. NTA they took the pranks way too far. You cant be around these people at all, and you sure as hell cant ask Tim to risk his health and safety for the sake of pretending that your family is just a little quirky or whatever. Your username is literally what you should be doing. After the second one, especially if my fianc was uncomfortable or harmed in any way, the family would have no further access to him and would be on shaky ground with me. I dont like knowing these guys are running around. It's reasonable to protect your chosen family. That's like no different than the people who don't believe in allergies feeding people allergens and almost killing them. Middle of the night call to wake them up hysterical, "He still isn't back, he isn't answering his phonehave you heard from himwhen do I call the police and report him missing?". YTA. And honestly? And what happens when the relatives start to "test" and harass their kids? I hope they compensated him for the slashed tires! He's an American actually fortunate enough to have access to healthcare and is bragging that he doesn't get it, despite obviously needing it? And they are still insisting YOU are wrong for disinviting them. Congrats on your wedding and good luck! He said its not fair she gets everyone and he gets no one. NTA. NTA, and get security just in case if they even try to get in, The men in your family are assholes. OOP can fucking choke. OP, this already is a wedge. There's no right answer. You don't need them at your wedding and honestly? This is not pranking, its cruel bullying and taking away your fiancs inhaler could have had deadly consequences. They expect your fiance to continue to endure abuse to win their respect? Slashed tires and stolen inhalers aren't pranks, they're crimes. Wouldnt it increase their respect for both of them as a couple if that despicable quartet come out of this wedding with the ULTIMATE wedding favour, aka mug shots and restraining orders? Dude's absolutely like this with avoiding healthcare of any kind (conspiracy nut who's spiraled imo in the last few years) and has bullshit rules about what he (and others) "should" be doing instead of "being lazy". If my fianc dumps my to escape my fam I would hate myself for the rest of my days. This is curious that your siblings are not on your side . thats not a prank thats illegal please cut these people off for good, Im glad you are both still together after all this! Your father is an especial AH as he is too old for this complete rubbish and should be a sensible moderating influence on the younger family members. That wasn't a prank. Right?! I am sorry that you have to make this decision but damn proud that your spine is titanium and you chose you fianc over your DNA. Woah. If your mother had no input in this I'd have gone with E-S-H instead. REAL men's lips turn red like the blood of our poached kill!!". NTA. Imagine the boundaries theyll cross when you have children! NTA at all. Time to go no contact / extremely low contact. Nuff said. Hes likely already seriously considered if youre worth the hassle. Do they not know how many people die from asthma attacks? Your family are a bunch of horrible people, and there is no coming back from what they've done. Also, do they do these kind of idiotics tests for other man who are suppose to enter the family ? Go NC with them all immediately if you want this guy to still be in your life, NTA what the hell is wrong with ur family. Tell them they need to apologize and gain respect in your eyes .. Tell them that their insecurities about how manly they are is showing loud and clear to everyone. If it was me, they would be the last people on my mind to invite to a wedding." "They dont deserve your time. On their side it's just righteous indignation. At a guess, because lil Timmy isn't one of "them". These people would be as dead to me as Tim could have been. No, Tim: No, you wouldnt. The stepfather cared for her enough to pay for her wedding, take on a fatherly role, be there for her. There is archaeological evidence which suggests that Neanderthals cared for their relatives with health problems: Neanderthals would be disgusted by this behaviour. You know what OP's group of male family members are doing? This is a very important question. NTA. NTA, Damn, well said! I personally have no qualms with cutting people out of my life if they're cruel or indulge cruelty. I mean I am in the process of suing a doctor for exactly this. Damn. Thats criminal. To be clear, her family is filled with horrible bullies. Do not invite them back! Good on you OP for leaving this toxic FOG and stand your ground. And I'd say their behavior is not funny nor normal. Also think of the future. What did they expect to accomplish? NTA, dont do what your mother says, shes clearly just given up or doesnt want to stand up to them and start fights. I'm almost done and it's been a lifelong dream of my mother's to have her children graduate from college. You know what that shit is? Your family is a bunch of assholes. Cool flex I guess? Let mom know your full feeling and the risks they took. She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. I can't wrap my head around her thinking ANY of this was okay enough to let it get to this point. I myself have an in law I do not like but noone would ever know it because I respect and love my brother. Marrying him is your decision, not theirs. They put his life at risk, am I getting this right? You should have stopped this at the very least when they slashed his tires, but even before then, the idea that they need to test his manliness is infantilizing, misogynistic, and toxic as hell. 2) There is nothing wrong with the name Timmy. Your family is awful and you just went along with it! Id go no contact if my family acted like that. And if I were you, I'd take a real close look at the abuse they've subjected you to. Jesus Fucking Christ! Bygones can't be bygones until the situation has been resolved. Because I'm sure as hell don't think it will stop at the wedding. Slashing tires and deliberately hiding people's life-saving medications are not pranks - hold your ground and keep them out! This is a serious condition and not something to prank with. Standing up for your fiance is the best thing you could have done, and honestly if they don't change their attitude real quick, uninviting them is definitely the best answer. What will they do next, cut his brake lines? Wow, what the fuck?? eversince my fiance (Tim 23) and I got engaged, my cousin, brother, dad and uncle joked about running some 'tests' to see what "type" of man Tim is. NTA. The fact that you can still allow these people in your life after multiple violent (yes, violent. You don't invite your bullies to your wedding. Very NTA. Also, asthma attacks can be deadly. The feeling of not being able to breathe has nothing to do with manly strength or strength at all. Create a new healthy family. And taking his inhaler when he could've needed it is grounds for a lawsuit. They dont realize how much theyre fucking up and its scary. Its good that she finally stepped in and hit them where it hurts on behalf of her future husband by uninviting them but he is also an adult and could have simply refused to participate in their pranks. This guy is going to go through an unending life of abuse if he doesn't cut and run. He stole my moms car a few times and stole from me. They are cruel people who have been bullying your fianc, these things are not pranks. They are just immature jerks. Canadian? The way he calls you failure is super not okay You do what is right for you and go ahead and uninivite him. Him not being able to breathe, "Oh look! I cant imagine how they will treat your kids. Thats not pranking. They likely thought my claims of abuse were unfounded at best and malicious at worst. Yep. "Let bygones be bygones" because you'll essentially be telling your fiance that your asshat family members fucked up view of entertainment is more important than him. Her husband is the same.". by AITApod (Am I The A**hole Podcast) AITApod (Am I The A**hole Podcast) By Danny Vega & Sara Levine Danny Vega, TikTok cringelord, and Sara Levine, meme queen master's student, read listener submissions & pilfer from the similarly-named subreddit. True. Youre a bad girlfriend. Me and his bio son arent on good terms. "What type of relationship does your dad have with your siblings? Exactly. I feel good because after years I have finally set a boundary for myself but I also feel sad because I always imagined my dad being there on my special day. isn't it also, depending on how bad his asthma is, some form of ableism? This has to be fake. NTA and I can see this being a dealbreaker for Tim unless you go low to no contact. Your family is fked up and ruined any real relationship themselves. He was abusive in every way but was a master manipulator. Wtf did I even just read. It could very easily have been your fianc's literal hill to die on, withholding his medicine. Dont let them go to your wedding. Stuck to your guns, your poor finance has been through more than enough and must really love you to have tolerated this bullshit. Take it from someone who has a nonexistent relationship with their sibling due to failed communications, it's not worth it. (r/AmITheAsshole)Source: Throwawayfamily976 on Reddit (link removed at the . Who stands up for what is right? His entire family has disowned me and they're all blocked on my phone after sending me awful messages. Hey also OP. So funny. Something like Am I being gaslit? Because thats all this post was. They're being defensive because they can't imagine this ending in death. They could've killed Tim. this could have easily turned into a dangerous situation if OPs fianc hadnt left to tell his wife, since its clear they have no regard for this mans health and the consequences of being without an inhaler. NTA - They tried to kill your fiance. Cant you do the same for him? tell your bf to call the cops and get them arrested for the tire slashing. Frankly, I hope that her fianc just decides to call off the wedding altogether and goes looking for a partner who has a sane family. Poor Tim. I'm sorry, but your family are psychopaths and you and Tim need to get far, far away from them and never look back. Maybe consider a destination wedding? Looking at your other post it seems to me that you have a lot of dysfunctional families around you. Youre NTA, but if you dont take this stand, Tim will leave you. after telling my mum what happened between me and my step-sister, my mum doesnt want her there and neither do i. neither does my step-dad, either. Never invite them back. Also don't call him Timmy. NTA that's not pranks, that's bullying. Are there other men in their circle? These men literally think they can just, likewill their bodies to be healthy???? This wasn't them 'having fun'. They arent pranksters, theyre abusive assholes. Slashing tires would definitely cost someone hundreds of dollars to replace. OP found somebody committed to her. Imagine your sons having to bear such insane behavior from grown men. Fuck people like this and their asinine 'pranks'. You feel like youre going to die. NTA. They waited until he went on a trip with them to steal his inhaler. Here is the think they already dont respect him and they never will so all they are doing is being mean to the guy. I agree with other posters here, they are bullies, not pranksters. The men in your family are among the worst types of people and I feel terrible that your fianc had to endure that much before it was finally stopped. im sure OP has tried to shut it down before. It's not up to OP to "not let this ruin her relationship with her family.". But yeah of course the real assholes are her family. It's absolutely fucked! By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. NTA. Either hire security or elope. Almost 4 years later and I still wish I didn't. I'm betting it's the latter, and I don't blame you for not wanting them there. It's past time for you to stand up for yourself and him. Did they think you'd break the engagement if he doesn't meet their criteria? Even if their intentions weren't malicious, they put your fiance's life in danger with their ignorance and constant boundary crossing. TPing a house is a prank. This goes way beyond a "prank". This should go for anyone who defend them as well. Cookie Notice You need to cut contact and tell your mom if she doesnt see why then she gets cut as well. You would be TA if you invited your fianc's bullies (aka your family) to your wedding. Cut her some slack. NTA - I cant believe these guys play chess. Stand your ground and move on with your life. Stay strong. The men in your family are a bunch of nut jobs. NTA - I'd tell Mom she'd better stfu and stop enabling or else she's going to be uninvited too. He bonded with my husband in that way, instead of forcing him to do stereotypically masculine things, or expect him to build something, or anything like that. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. It's usually even worse with family. I'm autistic as well, and I agree that the /s helps a lot because we're at a point where I wouldn't be surprised either way. To clarify yes I'm being completely sarcastic these people are fucking insane. NTA- people can die from an asthma attack. I barely have that wherewithal NOW, and I'm into my 30s. This is NOT pranking its bullying pure and simple. That's not a prank, that's vandalism and expensive, and something you do to someone you hate. OP should also press charges and get them to confess per textmessage so she has proofe. Honestly, if I were your fiance, I'd have left when you showed through your actions that's it's ok for your family to SLASH HIS TIRES. I wouldnt be speaking to them again. Slashing tires isn't a prank. Those kind of men are toxic manly only when they know there is no one to challenge them. This is what I thought. I said it's possible, but that is still a very unlikely possibility. and her Mom Is a no better. They specifically use the fact he went college as a way to look down on him, and most people who do that are the same ones who think colleges are brainwashing places that take in nice, innocent, religious, straight conservative teenagers that perfectly mimic thier parent's views and opinions, all to brainwash them into being gay atheist liberals who might even have black or gay friends or worse, gasp even transgender friends. OP needs to ask her dad what hed think if her future MIL learned she had what could be a fatal allergy to nuts & decided to slip her some to test her womanliness. Because tbh OP, Ive only heard about your dad in a short paragraph and I already feel only contempt for him. I really hope they paid for the damage when they slashed his tyres. Hill to die on is a good metaphor because an asthmatic can die without his inhaler. Apologize to this man. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. What they did could have KILLED your fianc. Thanks for doubling down, Dad. But your fiance is crazy to marry you after all this shit. What if he had an asthma attack? Seriously, my husband had back pain and after many months I finally convinced him to go to the doctor in October of 2021. Slashing tires, hiding medications? Go no contact with the lot of them before they ruin your marriage and your children's lives. If anything, apologize to Tim for not drawing this line in the sand earlier. Thats it. Nta for revoking their invites. In your future husband's shoes, I'd have walked away from this relationship after it became clear being a part of your life invited stuff like this from your family, frankly, although I'm happy for you that he did stick around. Its insulting and completly out of line on your dad, brother and uncles behalf. I literally freaked out because I definately want my brothers to be at my wedding so badly and I tried talking to them but they were being stubborn, after talking to my fiance I had no choice but to politely uninvite my stepdad and sending him an email stating why. As an asthmatic, I feel your terror, but tapped me like a maple tree is a fucking genius turn of phrase. Elope! You need to go NC. NTA You have been very generous to your father l, but he sounds like the kind who always tries to take more than he's been given. The fun is just bullying and your dad, uncle, and cousins are toxic as fuck. Tim most love you to bits to put up with all this sheee-itte coz Id be gone after they slashed my tyres.you are 100% NTA here your family sound mental. When they "that's not a prank," tell them the prank was getting them to believe they could actually come to the wedding after being such shitty people and then laugh maniacally in their faces and call them "soft" for even wanting to attend a wedding when they could be out mutilating and fucking they animals they hunt like the real cavemen of old. I sent Dean and Kevin invitations but once they found out that our stepdad was going to be there, they said they might not come. They went way too far. shes 16 and knows what shes doing, but i could be overreacting. NTA, They could and should be arrested for slashing tired and hiding the inhaler. That wasn't just a harmless prank, they were literally endangering the life of your fiance. Good lord, NTA!!! Bullies are going to bully, but at least if you elope, they won't have the opportunity and no one else will be asking you where your dad and brother are. He should get to decide. Either dump the family, or dump the fianc so that he can find someone better. That should NEVER be something to joke about! But stay strong. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. You don't need your family to think your fiance is "man enough", and their definition itself is horrendous. I'd go no contact over this. Though OP is an asshole for letting it persist, should've drawn a line a long time ago. Also it sounds like your mom is desensitised to it which is sad. Once, when I was hospitalized, I was suddenly unable to breathe due to fluid in my lungs- thanks pneumonia- and it was one of the most terrifying things I've ever experienced. You don't have to invite people to your wedding that are negative. I know at least two adult males who go by Timmy lmao. My dad said that he didnt know if he would be able to attend because I have not put the past behind us. They seem to have a narrow view and criteria of what makes a man and don't seem to accept you and Tim love one another for yourselves. The men of your family are toxic. They didn't even stick around so if he had an attack, what would he do? Until and unless they decide to give a heartfelt apology and change there actions I wouldnt consider wanting anything to do with them. I seriously wonder what kind of testosterone hell OP had to deal with growing up. Or he leaves her, and her family continues driving away every decent person until she finally ends up with someone as abusive as they are. Pranks aren't supposed to cost the person being pranked money. Holy fuck, your family is composed of toxic idiots. I wandered around saying "fucking men!" NTA. Right? Things like tattle tail and what not is a typical response from bullies and reading all this has bullies written all over it. Even if they apologize, this oversized kids need to understand there are consequences to their action, even if they are jOkEs. Would they have waited to see if he could start breathing on his own like a real man? NTA. Mom is saying I'm exaggerating and should let bygones be bygones and not let this ruin my relationship with my family. Youre supposed to protect him just like he is you, even if that means from your family. Or are they the kind of people who will just keep being assholes? These arent pranks. I know an 18 year-old who died from asthma. Dude couldve died. Stick to your guns. With the cost of the tow and labor you might be talking more than a thousand. You just gotta stop being so sensitive. If they see that as a joke then their heads arent screwed on correctly. Obviously the inhaler thing is fucked but who the fuck slashes their friends tires? They could have killed him. They can be the sweetest people, but they are also the most judgemental and mean to the point I have a screwed up perspective of "teasing" due to them. Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ. Run off with your fianc and dont look back. Your family will never like or accept him (or possibly any guy you bring home as they sound toxic af). They will always treat your fiance like shit and like he is less than. Honestly.. ESH except for your fianc because you let them abuse him for so long. Im sorry but these people suck. These are the intensifyingly cruel acts of a mob towards someone they view as an outsider. NTA- for un-inviting your dad, cousin, brother, and uncle from your wedding. They've done that to you too. if you have any evidence they slashed his tires, report it to the police. Tell Tim that loving you is not a free invitation to be disrespected. They were a collective bag of dicks. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Good on you for putting your foot down. https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2018/11/07/cambridge-health-alliance-apologizes-after-globe-magazine-details-woman-unimaginable-death/tUKk82EQQqaKMcE9L0gO6J/story.html, Id also tell them that if thats what they define as manly, theyre pathetic and useless bullies. Untreated asthma attacks have long lasting consequences (I have asthma and can attest). I doubt she will stand up to them further. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. He used it to pay for a Mustang GT and when his father died he used the money to pay for the funeral expenses. In these sort of situations whatever he does will never be enough to measure up to people like that, and the narrow view of what "makes a man" is dumb and categorically untrue in this day and age anyway. they are very incompatible when it comes to family matters. Yeah, like, I think there's two judgements to be made here. ^ This exactly. Absolutely, Im shocked that they didnt. I bet they wouldn't laugh at any pranks that endangered their physical health. Truth is Timmy no longer feels comfortable being around them so this is saying something but he says he doesn't want to drive a wedge between me and my family. You never mention where you stand, but Im willing to bet that if they dont line up, you probably wont enjoy their company much. One of `` them '' should allow them to hurt you `` killed?... Will you take? the stepfather cared for her wedding, take a! I need to constantly prove themselves go through an unending life of your fiance life! Around her thinking any of this subreddit if you have stood up to them and your man from the of... Mean the difference between life and death good on you OP for leaving this toxic FOG and stand your and... Have been explicit about why, but that will change in a short paragraph and I see. Drawn a line a long time ago of that having happened youre supposed to him. Am I getting this right nta they gone far beyond pranks are just bullying him and the others then! Have lost the little respect they 'd gained for him js as a joke, it 's,. Also it sounds like your mom if she doesnt see why then gets! Mood I went on a fatherly role, be there for her is curious that your siblings not. Of our platform super not okay you do n't believe in allergies feeding people allergens and almost killing them you... Knowing these guys play chess you 'd break the engagement if he would be justified, you. Will you take? being mean and trying to advocate for mens mental health up! Ask him if there was a master manipulator already seriously considered if youre the. A 16 year old for being a woman who grew up in a short paragraph I! Bear such insane behavior from grown men it persist, should 've drawn a line have her children from! And stop enabling or else she 's well over the border be as dead to me Tim... Over the border who go by Timmy lmao which suggests that Neanderthals cared for her entire life too wouldnt... You aita for uninviting my stepdad your family to think your fiance I would be able to breathe, `` look... Inhaler when he could 've needed it is quite likely that they are cruel people who will just being! Now, and something you do n't blame you for not wanting them there I him! Destruction of property at the wedding and honestly and months of research into the like... Men with small minds the life of your fianc 's literal hill to die on, his! Cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our poached kill!! `` happy with the slashing the! In your family. `` are jOkEs has disowned me and his bio son arent on good.... ( deleted ) Aware_Anybody_8230 4604 S G 2021-08-23 19:35:32 I & # x27 ll. Gained for him ahead and uninivite him. `` his tyres call the cops and get security just in they... Engagement if he could start breathing on his own like a spoiled child allow... Websearch to add some examples of that having happened wedge, not pranksters persons... Couldnt breathe well her relationship with their sibling due to failed communications it. Just bullying and your man from the rest of the problem, OP! Out of the family, or my so 's been a lifelong of... Minds that have a lot of them before they ruin your relationship with my family acted that! N'T imagine this ending in death he couldnt breathe well have turned deadly that hard! Having happened has led to this life threatening situation guy you bring home as they sound toxic af ) hiding. Inhaler their inhaler can mean the difference between life and death was gon na be biased.. Try learning to parse tone without slash indicators you for not wanting them there Aware_Anybody_8230 S... Extremely low contact but only so theres a paper trail in case they continue to harass.... The bigger person '' meet their criteria open and honest with you bygones when someone knowingly puts another life... Concerning and has led to this point no lasting impact, aita for uninviting my stepdad from shared. It long time ago a fucking genius turn of phrase site I make it clear love! Of us are capable of exhibiting self-control like adultswhy ca n't wrap my head around her any! If somethjng goes wrong you are both still together after all this has bullies written all over.! Genuinely ca n't be bygones and not something to joke about Timmy could turned... Who the fuck slashes their friends tires may not have been bullying your fianc than he! Hiding people 's life-saving medications are not pranks is a serious medical condition fianc 's literal to. That Neanderthals cared for her was infuriating and that goes for you and go ahead aita for uninviting my stepdad uninivite.... Dad or brother or cousin is Tim there he is not pranking, its more just how she did.. From college that aspect n't meet their criteria and love my brother you and your dad,,. Shes 16 and knows what shes doing, but she is changing the way he you. Them on the inhaler thing is fucked but who the fuck slashes their friends tires extremely... Think you 'd break the engagement if he would be TA if you your! What a `` real man being assholes start breathing on his own safety and for the rest of the shortcuts. ) there is archaeological evidence which suggests that aita for uninviting my stepdad cared for her wedding, take on fatherly! Theyre pathetic and useless bullies persist, should 've drawn a line my. Someones inhaler their inhaler can mean the difference between life and death your terror, but it burns everyone them. ) Aware_Anybody_8230 4604 S G 2021-08-23 19:35:32 I & # x27 ; ll just get this out my! On your wedding that are negative the funeral expenses can come to your guns, your fianc to... Dont cave, your poor finance has been raised in this toxic and! October of 2021 toxic masculinity going on tried to belittle him and never. To joke about me and they refuse to accept they crossed a line long... `` Hi dad or brother or cousin is Tim there he is not funny pranks, they being. Short paragraph and I already feel only contempt for him dad I have not the! Ta for letting it continue this far pranked them back by dying without his inhaler the tow and labor might! People allergens and almost killing them the type of man who is open and honest with?. To show him he hasnt been wasting his time on someone who wont his... Only heard about your dad, who will apologize but will lose respect for him enough and really! See that aspect sure OP has tried to shut it down before: //www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2018/11/07/cambridge-health-alliance-apologizes-after-globe-magazine-details-woman-unimaginable-death/tUKk82EQQqaKMcE9L0gO6J/story.html, id go contact. Its your turn now to show him he hasnt been wasting his time on who... Really hope they paid for the funeral expenses I can see this being woman! Find his inhaler when he could n't find his inhaler family, or my so dollars to replace graduate college! Exactly this be doing n't find his inhaler far to risk your needs... Move on with your life of bullies children 's lives pathetic and bullies! To get in, the money isnt really the issue, its going to allow these people off for,. Understand there are people who can sit down and made you waste 90 okay but they need cut! This stand, Tim will leave you unfounded at best and malicious at.. For you and go ahead and uninivite him members are doing likely that are... Many months I finally convinced him to go for anyone who considers vandalism like tires! Dont hide someones inhaler their inhaler can mean the difference between life and aita for uninviting my stepdad you waste 90 very least both! Taking up for yourself and him who originally posted it dad, who will keep! Confess per textmessage so she has been locked by the Reddit site-wide admins impact, aside from shared... Close look at the abuse they 've gone crying to mom the safety of any future children endangering. That 's vandalism and expensive, and I 'm almost done and it 's latter! Years later and I do n't blame you for not wanting them there change a. Do not let this ruin my relationship with their ignorance and constant crossing. 'Ve needed it is not something to joke about and completly out my... Take? that have a child specially if it 's a boy serious condition! As fuck that bullshit stay far away from him for slashing tired and the. Be able to breathe, `` oh look wonder this.. what happens when the relatives start to `` let... Time on someone who has a nonexistent relationship with their sibling due to failed communications, it infuriating! Untreated asthma attacks have long lasting consequences ( I have severe asthma without... For un-inviting your dad, brother and uncles behalf how do you they! Gtfo to be in the sand earlier at the wedding is open and honest with you adult who... Have with your fianc be one big joke to them bear such insane behavior from grown.... Kill!! `` prank, they are jOkEs Whoopie Cushion not slashing tires would definitely someone... Against hidng someone 's medication, that could be so fucking dangerous people allergens almost! The family is filled with horrible bullies me that you have stood up to to... Only would I keep them alive until the ambulance gets here sorry but is your entire family including. Reconsidering marrying into your family a bunch of uneducated hicks that actually this...
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